Addressing Children’s Behaviour: School vs Homeschooling

In Islam, raising children with good character and strong morals is of utmost importance. As Muslims there is a huge emphasis on the significance of a parent’s role in guiding their children toward the path of righteousness. As society evolves, parents are faced with many options regarding their children’s education, including the decision between traditional schooling and homeschooling. This choice is particularly significant in regard to a child’s behaviour and character development, which are heavily influenced by the environment they spend time in. In this post, we will explore how attending school or being homeschooled may affect children’s behaviour and consider which option aligns best with Islamic values for each family.

School Environment and Its Impact on Behaviour:

Many parents are concerned that children may adopt negative behaviour due to peer influences in traditional schools. Here are some common challenges parents observe:

1. Peer Influence: Schools expose children to a diverse range of behaviours, beliefs, and habits from their classmates. Without strong guidance, children may adopt negative behaviours, like disrespect, gossip, or impatience, simply by wanting to fit in or gain approval from peers. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised the importance of good company, saying, “A man is upon the religion of his friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” (Tirmidhi). Schools make it more challenging to monitor who our children are befriending and learning from.

2. Increased Exposure to Materialism: Schools often expose children to social comparisons and materialism, leading to negative behaviour patterns such as envy or ungratefulness. Such tendencies can become obstacles to developing the contentment that Islam encourages. Allah reminds us in the Qur’an, “And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah), the splendour of the life of this world, that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting..” (Qur’an 20:131).

3. Time Away from Family: In schools, children spend a significant part of the day away from their parents. This can weaken family bonds and limit the opportunity for parents to instill Islamic manners, values, and morals. School time is structured and leaves limited room for open communication between parents and children, which is crucial for nurturing a strong, understanding relationship.

Homeschooling and its Influence on Behaviour:

Homeschooling, on the other hand, allows parents to take a hands-on approach to education and character development, shaping their children’s behaviour more directly. Some of the ways homeschooling supports positive behaviour include:

1. Focused Islamic Environment: Homeschooling parents have the opportunity to integrate Islamic teachings into their child’s curriculum and daily routine. By centering lessons around Qur’anic stories, the Seerah (life of the Prophet), and Islamic values, parents can instill good manners and a love for Allah from an early age. Children raised in such an environment are more likely to develop akhlaq (good character) that align with the teachings of Islam.

2. Strong Family Bonds: Homeschooling allows for more time spent with family members, fostering respect, love, and a strong bond. Children are more likely to model their behavior after their parents, who can monitor and correct poor behavior as it arises. Parents can also emphasise the importance of serving and helping family members, echoing the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, who said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families.” (Tirmidhi).

3. Controlled Social Interaction: While homeschooling can sometimes limit social exposure, it can also allow parents to be selective about the friends their children interact with, especially in the early, formative years. Parents can ensure that their children interact with peers who hold similar values and come from families with a shared focus on good character, thus reducing the likelihood of adopting negative habits.

Striking a Balance: Islamic Considerations in Choosing Education Paths

Both traditional schooling and homeschooling have their advantages and challenges. While homeschooling offers a more controlled and values-centered environment, it requires dedication, patience, and resources that not every family may have access to. On the other hand, traditional schools can provide structure and socialisation that children benefit from but might also expose them to influences that may challenge their Islamic upbringing.

Here are a few tips for parents, regardless of the education path chosen:

1. Regular Islamic Education: Supplement your child’s academic learning with Islamic studies at home or through a local salafi mosque, emphasising good manners, compassion, and honesty as core values.

2. Monitor Behaviour: Whether your child attends a school or is homeschooled, observe their behaviour closely. Addressing minor issues early can prevent them from becoming significant problems. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advised parents to “enjoin prayer upon your children at seven, and discipline them [in it] at ten” (Abu Dawood), highlighting the importance of developing habits gradually and with gentleness.

3. Create Open Lines of Communication: Encourage your child to speak with you about their day, challenges, and feelings. Establishing an open relationship helps children feel supported and gives parents insights into any influences affecting their behaviour.

4. Trust in Allah’s Guidance: Regardless of your choice, remember to put your trust in Allah. Pray for guidance and wisdom, and ask Allah to protect and guide your children. “Truly, Allah is with those who fear Him (keep their duty unto Him), and those who are Muhsinun (good-doers).” (Qur’an 16:128).

Conclusion:

Both traditional schooling and homeschooling present unique paths with their own benefits and drawbacks when it comes to behaviour and character development. Parents should consider their family’s unique needs, the environment they can provide, and which option best aligns with their vision for their child’s Islamic upbringing. Whichever path is chosen, it is essential to remain involved, prioritise Islamic values, and continuously seek Allah’s help in raising children who embody good character, compassion, and respect. May Allah grant all parents the wisdom to make the best choice for their children’s spiritual and moral development. Ameen