“How will your child socialise?”

If you’re a home educator then you would have heard this question a million times. However, for anyone who is new to home education or is thinking about it, I would like to try and answer this as best as I can.

Firstly let’s break down this question. What a person really means when asking this question is “how will your child make friends?” and “how will they learn social skills?”. Usually this is the meaning behind the question.

When a child is born and is a baby, as parents we talk to the baby even though they cannot understand a word. We ask questions, we make conversations and encourage them to speak. Whether they babble, nod their head or play, they are communicating and socialising on their level. This process doesn’t end between parent and child. The parents usually then teach the child manners and etiquettes needed in social situations.

As the child grows up and comes into contact with more people, the more they get to learn and use their social skills. Many mums for example have fellow mum friends and their children become friends. The child may attend playgroups or other activities where they get the chance to socialise. There may be siblings, lots of cousins, grandparents and extended family members that are a part of the child’s life. You may attend the masjid for classes or salah where the child is again exposed to more opportunities to socialise. All this is without even going to school.

Once a child goes to school, apart from the teachers, they have people their age to socialise with. As a parent, you have no input over who your child will be friends with, who your child may be bullied by or who they choose to look up to. This is one of the many reasons why people choose to home educate. They do not want to put their child in a situation where bullying and peer pressure is prevalent. Especially in recent times, being a Muslim can be very challenging and the schools do not have the  capacity to deal with it. Of course some of these situations can happen outside of school but you get to have more of a control of it.

So what does a home educated child do to socialise once it is compulsory school age? As well as all the various points raised above, there are home education groups which you can join. You can look into Islamic home education groups, if you don’t have one then you can create one.

An advantage of home education is that you choose your timetable. You are not restricted with times, days of the week and holidays. You can go to many different places, join many clubs and socialise with different people from different age range. We underestimate how much a child can learn from being around children younger and older than them.

Finally from a personal perspective, many people I know who attended school have almost zero social skills but my home educated children are very sociable, infact maybe too much! You will find that there are Muslims who unfortunately will still argue about this but at the end of the day if home educating my children saves me and my family from hellfire then I can sacrifice a little socialising according to the school standards.

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” Surah At Tahrim [66:6] Translation Hilali and Khan